Until a few months ago, I was insanely jealous of women.
Between foreplay and sex, a woman can get off 10+ times in a single session, and those orgasms can last 10-20+ seconds.
Guys? We get one 5 second sticky white crotch-sneeze, followed by an intense desire to nap.
But then, a few months ago, I figured out something that blew my load mind…
Not only can guys have multiple orgasms in a single session, they can do it without ejaculating, with no recovery period, and they can have prolonged orgasms that last for over a minute.
It doesn’t take long to figure out either. It only took me a month from discovering this was possible to actually doing it, and I didn’t have this article to guide me like you do.
When I coached a friend on it, he had his first “non-ejaculatory orgasm” in just two weeks.
So if you’re ready to radically change how you think about guy’s sexual pleasure and orgasm… read on.
Also, be sure to download the app Stamena which will help you train yourself to become multi-orgasmic along with this article.
The conversation went roughly like this:
Dave: In this old Taoist book… it said to limit your orgasm to no longer than 30 minutes.
Emily: A 30 minute orgasm? … Did you try it and make something like that happen?
Dave: The one time I tried, it was more than 8.5 minutes. Your abs hurt a lot, and you’re like, “Could I just stop, please?” Literally, I’ve had enough. Please go away now, which to me was a new experience. There’s all these things that your body can do around that stuff that are not taught anywhere that I know of.
And then… they just went on to something else! I was standing there in my kitchen going “what the fuck? An 8 minute long orgasm? you can do that (directed downwards)?”
Then I forgot about it for a bit… until Tim Ferriss did a podcast where he drunk dialed some of his fans and it came up again:
Guest: Tell me about Tantric sex. How to do it, how to explore it, where to start…
And while Tim said he didn’t like “tantric” or multi-orgasmic sex very much, he mentioned The Multi-Orgasmic Man and “Orgasmic Meditation,” both closely related to what’s called “Tantric sex,” something that Dave had mentioned as well.
Finally, I had somewhere to start my search. But less than 24 hours later… I was pissed off and dissatisfied.
Why? Because if you’re a remotely secular person, then good luck getting through the open-your-heart-chakra mysticism filling the pages of anything about Tantric sex.
There had to be a secular way to figure this out. Enter The Multi-Orgasmic Man. Enter problem #2.
The Multi-Orgasmic Man is the oft-cited source on this subject, but it shouldn’t be. It’s poorly written and at least 2/3 of the book is spent talking about itself instead of giving you something actionable to do.
But, with that research combined, I did ultimately figure out how you can have non-ejaculatory orgasms without any eastern mysticism.
Then with a bit of experimentation, I figured out how you can extend them significantly.
The brief “crotch-sneeze” orgasm I mentioned at the start is what 99% of guys go through their lives experiencing. We’re going to refer to it as an Ejaculatory Orgasm (EO).
You can extend it a few seconds and increase the intensity of it (both through kegel exercises), but it remains limited in duration and you can only have one.
What most men don’t know is that there are three more types of orgasms, which most guys never experience:
What’s special about the other three?
I’m going to cover how you can have your first NEO and PNEO, but just on your own.
Having either during sex and foreplay is 10x harder, but once you can do it on your own, here’s how to have multiple orgasms during sex.
Before you can have NEOs and PNEOs, you need to get yourself to a certain level of ejaculatory control.
You should be comfortable masturbating for 10+ minutes with constant stimulation (not having to stop and start a ton of times).
Without that kind of control, you won’t be able to slowly bring yourself up to the point of having an NEO, and you definitely won’t be able to keep yourself right at that threshold.
If you can’t easily do that, start with the article on how to last longer in bed.
Having an NEO or PNEO works by getting to the point of orgasm, and then flexing your PC muscle hard enough to block the ejaculate from actually escaping.
But most men have a weak PC muscle, even if they can normally last a long time in bed, so you’ll need to train yours until you have a vice-like grip behind your penis.
You do this through kegel exercises (if you’re not familiar with them, go read that article).
The PC muscle (ejaculation muscle for our purposes) is located right behind your balls and before your anus. You’ve felt it when you’re trying to prevent yourself from peeing, or when you start peeing and then try to make yourself stop.
It’s also the muscle that you use to prevent yourself from ejaculating, and that flexes and spasms when you’re orgasming.
So in order to stop yourself from ejaculating, you need to develop a strong PC muscle.
The easiest way to do that training is to use an app called Stamena (or Kegel Trainer on Android), which will walk you through doing progressively more difficult kegel exercises and strengthening the PC muscle.
Start by practicing your kegels 2-3 times a day until you can hold for 20+ seconds. That’s when you’re at the point that you can squeeze hard enough to pull yourself back from the edge.
Once you’re there, keep doing kegels for maintenance, but you can move on to the next step…
While you’re learning to have NEOs and PNEOs, set aside 20+ minutes each night to masturbate and work on it. I found that if I went more than a couple days without experimenting, I’d be set back considerably.
Once you’ve practiced enough you can go for a few days without it, but until you have it mastered, set that time aside every night.
During the practice, work yourself up to a peak (somewhere around a 9-9.5 out of 10 for how close you are to orgasming) and then bring yourself back down to a 5-7. This is called “edging.”
The idea is to become extremely aware of how close you are to ejaculating. Having that awareness is crucial for separating orgasm and ejaculation.
For that reason, I’m going to make a recommendation you might not like…
Don’t use porn.
I found that using porn when practicing pulled me out of the experience too much, and I lost awareness of where I was on that 1-10 scale.
By not using it you’re forced to focus on the experience more, and it will give you significantly more awareness of how close you are and when you need to pull yourself back.
Once you’ve mastered edging, you can start to separate the orgasm and ejaculation.
To have non-ejaculatory orgasms, you need to train your body to separate the experience or orgasm and ejaculation.
You’ve likely experienced ejaculation and orgasm at the same time for your entire life, but that’s just a strategic biological move on your body’s part.
Orgasm is not caused by ejaculating, rather it normally happens in sync with and actually slightly before ejaculating. Your body needs to make sure you don’t stop pumping away as you get closer to cumming (since it wants to reproduce), so it gets you closer to orgasming as motivation.
All we have to do is untrain that impulse.
As you’re masturbating for your daily practice, you’re going to start working on briefly separating the orgasm and ejaculation as you finish.
When you hit the point of no return where you know you’re going to ejaculate, squeeze your PC muscle as hard as you can as if you’re doing a long kegel hold.
You should feel your penis twitch, swell, and the ejaculating will be delayed a second or two… but the orgasm sensation won’t. You’ll feel a couple seconds of orgasm right before you ejaculate, and then you’ll have the regular ejaculation plus orgasm that you’re used to.
Congrats! You just separated orgasm and ejaculation for the first time.
This is the “holy shit” moment. Once you feel this happen, everything else will feel 100x more possible.
Now you just have to do it without ejaculating at all.
Now that you’ve seen that there’s a difference between when you start to orgasm, and when you start to ejaculate, it’s time to make the first happen without the other.
You’re going to keep the practice going like you have. Work yourself up to a peak, and bring yourself down. Up and down.
When you get close to cumming, you’re going to do something a little different: right when you hit the point of no return, squeeze your PC muscles as hard as you can, open your eyes (this helps, not sure why), and stop stroking your penis.
One of a few things will happen:
My progression went like this:
Even when you do it right, some cum might leak out, or you might have one small squirt. That’s fine! You’ll notice that there’s no refractory period, you’re just cooled down to a 5 or 6 again and still completely able to keep going.
Good work! You’re now able to have non-ejaculatory orgasms. But, as you probably found, the first one isn’t anything crazy to write home about. Which is why we need…
For every guy I’ve talked to, the first NEO is disappointing. It will be extremely brief and not incredibly pleasureable. Womp womp.
Don’t stop there. Unlike a regular EO (ejaculatory orgasm), an NEO isn’t immediately extremely pleasurable, it’s something you have to build up to through practice.
The best way to do that is to keep having them. The good news is that since you don’t have a refractory period, you can have multiple in the same session.
What will make the biggest difference in how pleasurable they are is how close to actually ejaculating you are when you have them. If you’re squeezing your PC muscle with the vice-like grip to keep yourself a hair-width away from ejaculating, it’ll be much more intense than if you’re just loosely squeezing a few times at a 9.
You can also try changing how you do your kegel squeezes. I find the long hard squeeze most effective, but for some guys a few medium length squeezes or a bunch of very quick ones are better.
After figuring out NEOs, I had an idea:
What if you could chain together and extend NEOs the same way women extend their clitoral orgasms?
Women can orgasm multiple times in quick succession, and stay in that peak state for over a minute, so why couldn’t I do the same?
That was the question that led me to the abs-destroying orgasmic intensity that David Asprey alluded to.
Think about the pleasure graphs I’ve used before.
You started out here, with a build up to one orgasm:
With NEOs, you can create a graph more like this:
That’s just having a regular orgasm a few times, though. It’s awesome, but you can make it even better by significantly increasing the duration of the orgasms, until the graph looks like this:
If you have an idea for how to better visualize this… let me know
Normally, we think of an orgasm as a point in time, something that happens to you. Instead, you need to think of orgasm as a state of being, in which the sensations can become more or less intense.
It’s like being turned on. You could be a little horny, or sex-on-the-kitchen-floor horny, but it’s all just different levels of horny.
Orgasm is the same. Once you’ve separated it from ejaculation, you can move between different levels of orgasm for as long as you want.
You’ll have peaks of pleasure that you would normally call “orgasms,” but instead of cooling down afterward you’ll stay in a less intense orgasm. The spasms, contractions, and mental pleasure of an orgasm will all be there, just with different intensity.
To have your first PNEO, start with a regular NEO like before but as soon as you hit the peak, try to make yourself immediately have another one.
Don’t let yourself cool down. Shift the focus to the head of your penis, and use a fast stroke to keep yourself right against that edge. You should be able to quickly get to the NEO peak again, and when you do, just do the same thing and immediately try as hard as possible to have another one.
As you keep doing this, the gaps will get shorter and shorter until you manage to keep yourself right in that orgasmic state between the successive peaks. It might take a few tries and you might have a few misfires, but eventually you’ll hit that point where you’re in that blissed out orgasm state beyond just when you’re having the peaks.
Once you have your first one in a session, the next ones get easier.
Once you’ve had the first PNEO, the next ones are much easier.
Get yourself up to the point just before you would have an NEO, but now you’re going to clench your PC muscles earlier, and make all of the movements as if you were having an orgasm.
Do the thrusting, leg twitching, thrashing, etc. If you’re not sure what motions to make, just imitate what you see women do when they orgasm.
This is the same principle I talked about in the article on lasting longer in bed: if you smile, you make yourself happier. If you breathe like you’re not going to cum, you won’t. And in this case, if you move your body as if you’re having an orgasm, you will.
You’re stroking, you’re close to an NEO, and now you’re clenching and moving as if you’re orgasming. Keep your eyes open like before, and keep stroking to keep yourself right against that no-return threshold.
At some point here you’ll feel a sudden rush of pleasure and the sensation will noticeably change from just the pleasure of stroking to being in the orgasmic state that you felt before. You’ll be able to manipulate how intense the orgasm is by stroking harder or faster, and you’ll be able to pull yourself out of it just by stopping if you get tired or get too close to ejaculating.
Eventually, you’ll get to the point where the reason you let yourself come down (or finally ejaculate) is because your abs hurt (seriously, this is an insane ab workout) or your throat dries out from breathing so heavily.
You can go from zero to having NEOs and PNEOs on your own in less than a month. Once you know the sensations you’re going for, getting to them is not particularly hard assuming you have the sufficient PC muscle strength.
But having either with your partner is considerably more difficult because you’re no longer controlling the amount of stimulation. Instead, you’re relying on them to provide the constant pressure you need to reach an NEO, or stay in a PNEO, without providing so much that you actually ejaculate.
That’s why I recommend figuring out how to do it on your own first. Once you’ve gotten it down, then you can work on incorporating it into sex and foreplay with your partner.
Ready to have NEOs and PNEOs during sex? Here’s how.
Then consider signing up for my Monday Medley newsletter. It's a collection of fascinating finds from my week, usually about psychology, technology, health, philosophy, and whatever else catches my interest. I also include new articles, book notes, and podcast episodes.