“I feel like I’m going to shit myself.”
If that’s the case, then he’s probably doing it right.
“It’ll feel like that, but now try to shift that pressure forward a bit so it’s almost against your penis, kind of in between trying to fart and trying to take a piss.”
“Alright, I’ll take your word for it…”
Six days later, I get this text at 2am:
“Can confirm. Reverse kegels = game changer.”
Kegel exercises contract the PC muscles over and over to strengthen them, kind of like doing a bicep curl. This helps you last longer in bed by bringing yourself back from the brink of ejaculating, and with enough training, lets you have orgasms without ejaculating.
But they come at a cost. Tightening your PC muscles can also, sometimes, accelerate how quickly you get to a 9 on the arousal scale. While you can pull yourself back through a few intense holds, what if you could just keep yourself at a 4-6 without worrying about big fluctuations?
That’s where reverse kegels come in, by training your ability to relax your PC muscle.
Ejaculation and arousal are partially a function of the PC muscle tightening up to the point of ejaculation. When you’re thrusting, or stroking, and you feel that pleasurable twitch in your loins, it’s your PC muscle contracting and getting you closer to ejaculating.
Over-tightening it and exhausting it so it has to relax is how regular kegels can slow you down, but reverse kegels can slow you down by simply keeping you relaxed in the first place.
They train your ability release that pressure, moving you back down the 1-10 scale, keeping you at an even level of arousal.
Combined, a reverse kegel lets you stay even-keeled, and a regular kegel lets you save yourself at the last minute (or have non-ejaculatory orgasms).
Reverse kegels should be part of your “training” regimen right along with kegels, using the app Stamena.
After you’ve gone through the exercises contracting your PC muscle, use the same timings and variations to practice releasing your PC muscle.
To do a reverse kegel, apply internal pressure to the back of your penis, against those same muscles you’re using to squeeze during a kegel. The easiest way to find it is to first push out on your ass as if you’re going to fart, then exhale heavily and try to move that pressure away from your abs / ass and into your prostate / penis.
It’s similar to the muscles you use when you’re trying to pee. If you’re not sure that you’re getting it yet, don’t worry, just keep flexing things down there until it feels like you’re pushing out against your penis.
This is a weirder, more unfamiliar feeling than the kegel clench, so don’t beat yourself up if it takes you a bit to find it. Just keep pushing according to the timings, and you’ll start strengthening the muscle. As it gets stronger, it’ll get easier to find it, and you’ll feel more natural doing it.
Unlike the kegel squeezes, which you typically use at the last second or when you’re getting close to a 9 on the scale, reverse kegels can be used anytime to bring yourself back down and slow your progression to orgasm.
As soon as you feel yourself moving out of a comfortable arousal range, apply that pressure as hard as you can to bring yourself back down.
During foreplay, you can easily do this while you’re receiving oral since there’s no other motion distracting you. And then when you’re pleasuring her, you can use them to bring yourself back down to a lower arousal level before sex.
The one thing to be careful of here is that you don’t fart in her face. Laugh all you want, but there’s a decent risk it’ll happen with all the pressure you’re creating down there and you’d hate to ruin the mood (unless she’s into that, I suppose).
While thrusting, push out with the reverse muscle to stop yourself from over tightening your PC muscle, and keep yourself at an even arousal level. It won’t bring you down as much since you’ll have other motions distracting you, but it’ll keep you level and slow down how quickly you move up towards a 9.
They work best while she’s supplying the motion (her on top, usually). It’s significantly easier to focus your effort on pushing out with your PC muscles while still giving her the pressure she needs to enjoy herself. And since her on top is a good position for lasting longer to begin with, this increases the effectiveness of those positions.
Use your legs and glutes to press your hips up against her pelvis so she can grind her clit against you, don’t use your abs. By disengaging your abs it’ll be easier to press out with the PC muscle, keeping you level or bringing yourself down while she’s having her fun.
Just, again, don’t fart.
Then consider joining the 22,000 other people getting the Monday Medley newsletter. It's a collection of fascinating finds from my week, usually about psychology, technology, health, philosophy, and whatever else catches my interest. I also include new articles, and book notes.