Fantastic resource on moving beyond the typical “peak” type orgasms, both for men and women. Also a good primer on communicating more during sex, sharing what you both want, and making sure you’re both satisfied.
Intense sexual pleasure is the result of “agreement,” between what you want and the sensations you’re receiving. So in order to have an EMO, you must know what you want, how to increase your pleasure, and how to direct someone else to bring you there.
To experience the highest orgasm you have to give up control of your nervous system to someone else, to surrender to the pleasure being produced.
“The outdated view of male orgasm also affects women: For years women have tried to imitate men’s “ejaculation orgasm” by tensing their bodies to a point of no return, at which the built-up pressure had to be released all at once. A woman experiencing EMO, on the other hand, is relaxed. Tension is not part of the equation. This is why any person— male or female— who wants to have an EMO must be relaxed throughout the period of genital stimulation.”
The person receiving the EMO has to surrender and become a “pleasure victim,” and the person giving the EMO has to take full control and complete responsibility for the experience.
“Turn-on is when a woman is in agreement with her own desires and can stimulate a response in another person’s body— either sexually or otherwise— to gratify these desires. The female of all mammals is the sex that goes into heat. The male is able to respond to this heat but not able to initiate it directly.”
“To ensure an enjoyable experience, we must remain conscious and do only what feels good to us at each moment. People get bored because they are boring. If you do not want to be bored, then become more curious about, involved in, and fascinated by what you are doing.”
“Guilt results when you follow one of your rules and then judge your behavior by another of your rules. You don’t like your behavior because of that second rule, so you feel guilty for having behaved in that way. You may have yelled at your children for making irritating noises because you have a behavioral response or rule whereby certain levels of sound drive you mad; then you may later feel guilty because you have a rule against yelling at your children”
To reach the highest level of physical and emotional intimacy, you must learn to communicate effectively while making love. You must be able to express your desires and pleasures confidently, without fear of judgement, and with the intent of deeping each of your experiences.
Vulva is the external part you see, the vagina is entirely internal.
Receiving an EMO
Then consider joining the 19,000 other people getting the Monday Medley newsletter. It's a collection of fascinating finds from my week, usually about psychology, technology, health, philosophy, and whatever else catches my interest. I also include new articles, book notes, and podcast episodes.