The best book I’ve seen on attraction and dating strategy. It’s not about being scummy and pickup-y, rather focusing on becoming a more attractive, honest person, and getting over the insecurities that get in most guys’ way. Highly recommend it, as do most of my friends who have read a few dating books.
You don’t have to be rich and famous to be attractive, but you should display the qualities that show you have potential to be rich and famous, which is indicated by your social status and behavior, which is indicated by how you behave around others, how others behave around you, and how you treat yourself.
Both men and women are aroused by being desired, but since female arousal is more psychological than male arousal, the sense of “being desired” is even stronger in determining a woman being attracted to a man. This is why the more physical assertiveness you pursue a woman with, the more aroused she becomes, even if she wasn’t interested in you to begin with. Bold and aggressive pursuit can turn a woman on to the point where she comes around and wants to get to know you. (The pickup term for this is “sarging”)
“It’s important to relate this back to the original dichotomy of female attraction and arousal mentioned earlier in the chapter. Status attracts women, but by itself, it only attracts them in a way that they want to be your girlfriend, not jump your bones. It’s a psychological, long-term, identity-level attraction. On the other hand, being physically assertive and sexually forthright triggers a woman’s sexual arousal and makes her want to have sex, often right then and there, and often even if she rejects your advances two or three or ten times.”
How attractive a man is is proportional to his True Confidence, simply, being less invested in other people’s perceptions of you than in your perception of yourself.
The way to build true confidence and become more attractive is to invest heavily in oneself, women are typically more attracted to men who are more invested in themselves than they are in them.
“If you’re at the top of the food chain, you have no reason to be inhibited or to defer to others (unless you want to). If you’re at the bottom of the food chain, your entire life will revolve around the deferring to others.”
Set very high standards and stick to them, don’t waste time with anyone who doesn’t meet those standards. This goes for casual sex and serious dating, know what you want and what you’ll put up with, and what you won’t. If someone isn’t meeting those standards, move on.
“So the catch is that everything you say must be as authentic as possible. There’s no shortcut. There are no tricks. You say it because you mean it and mean it because you say it. The more nervous it makes you, the better, because it means you’re being authentic and making yourself vulnerable. How attractive you are is based on your confident behavior. Your confident behavior is based on how vulnerable you’re able to make yourself. And how vulnerable you’re able to make yourself is based on how honest you are to yourself and others.”
Don’t try to “be cool” and “act like you’re not interested,” by honestly expressing your interest in dating someone, you shortcut the “invsetment paradox” and demonstrate both interest and confidence at the same time. If a guy weren’t fearless about being rejected, he wouldn’t have the confidence to honestly express his attraction to a woman. This is “True Honesty”.
What you actually say doesn’t matter nearly as much as why and how you say it.
Rejection is a good thing, it saves you time filtering them out later.
If you don’t find a woman attractive, don’t approach her. It’s not practice, it’s desperation.
Think of splitting women you’re interested in into three categories: Receptive, Neutral, and Unreceptive:
“What I recommend to every man before he even begins talking to women is to sit down for a while and ask himself some questions:
How to be interesting:
“I personally think anxiety is the biggest culprit when it comes to preventing men from being attractive and successfully meeting and dating women. You remove anxiety, and trial-and-error will take care of most of the rest.”
How to break your own pattern:
To up motivation, masturbate only once a week without porn.
Attack anxiety through consistent, incremental exposure:
“Greater boldness leads to greater polarization” and “always err on the side of aggression.”
There’s no such thing as a guy who’s good with women who isn’t sometimes creepy. If you’re open about your sexuality, that’s going to weird some women out, but that’s fine since you don’t want them anyway.
“For instance, let’s say you meet a woman and just come right out and say, “I think you’re beautiful, I’d like to take you on a date.” it’s one of the most powerful and practical things you can say. Not only is it vulnerable, as we’ve discussed at length, but it also builds far more sexual tension. ”
Improving your honest, more deep communication:
“When in doubt on how to approach a woman, simply walk up and introduce yourself and explain to her that you wanted to meet her. I know this sounds drab and boring. But remember, it’s not about entertaining her; it’s about exuding confidence and genuine interest in her. During the day, I often prep the introduction by saying something like, “Excuse me, this is kind of random…” Also during the day, I usually tell them that I think they’re cute.
If you’re getting a lot of rejections, it’s one of these problems:
Questions Versus Statements: Creating threads of conversation through statement is far more powerful than questions. This is because it assumes rapport and makes conversations more personally instantly.
Instead of asking her a question about herself, you guess the answer to your question and then state it. Here are some examples:
You should cold-read as much as possible. Any time you’re asking a question that requires a factual answer; take a stab at the answer instead of asking.
It’s better to be random and interesting than predictable and boring. Don’t be afraid to just blurt something out.
If you teach yourself to recognize jump off points and take advantage of them as soon as possible, you’ll be able to sustain a conversation with almost anybody indefinitely.
Break a date into 3 distinct chunks, don’t just go do one thing. At least one of the three things should have opportunities for touching and closeness:
If you tihnk you can kiss her, you probably could have 10 minutes ago.
Note: There is a very good “Game plan” in the back of the book.
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